Home' LOTL : November 2004 Contents ADVICE BY DAWN COHEN
I WANT MY MEDS
Q I am having palpitations and my doctor says it's anxiety. I am not
remotely anxious, and I think it's physical, and the doctor is negligent
for not giving me medication. -- By prescription.
A The mind and body are so closely linked, it is better to explore both the physical
and emotional factors behind your overactive heart than to pick one or the other. My
guess is that you are so removed from your emotions, your heart has to jump up and
down to get you to notice it. Ironically because you are out of touch with the
psychological, when you hear your heart knocking on your chest you prefer to silence
the sound with medication. If there was a message in your heart that was too scary to
hear what would it be? Get a second opinion from both a conventional and alternative
health practitioner. Yoga and meditation may also be of help.
Q My wife does not speak to her aunt because she failed to keep a
secret. My wife found out yesterday that Aunt M___ has been confiding
in me confidentially, and feels betrayed both because I didn't tell her the
confidences and that I was speaking to her at all. Isn't that double
standard? -- Over familiar.
A Why did Aunt M___ pick you to confide in? I am sure you are the cleverest and
most understanding person in the whole world, just like she tells you, but your aunt-in-
law has a problem with boundaries and she is unconsciously performing a
psychological maneuver called "splitting the couple". Telling you not to tell something
to your wife automatically forces a distance between you and your partner. Don't even
think about raising this with Aunt M___. She has absolutely no idea that she is doing
this, and would be morally outraged and mortally wounded if you told her. How could
you accuse her of being so underhanded when she has been so open? It does not
matter who is right or wrong in your wife's dispute with her aunt. Get out of it, stay out
of it and maintain your relationship boundaries.
Q A very close friend who was once a lover is coming to town. My
new girlfriend is keen to meet her. Problem is my friend and I
generally sleep together, hug and hold hands whenever she visits. It's
not sexual, but my new girlfriend is not going to understand that.
Why should I change towards my friend just to reassure my
girlfriend? -- Touchy-feely.
A I think you are having yourself on. To me hugging, holding hands and sleeping
together is always at least a teensy weensy bit sexual. You got your physical and
sexual needs met by your friend while you are single, and the only thing wrong with
that is that neither of you owned up to the fact that that was what you were doing.
You would rather lump everything on your girlfriend's possessiveness than challenge
your own denial. I am happy for a response if you think I am being too harsh.
The opinions expressed in this column are the personal views of the
writer, they are not intended to be a substitute for professional
medical advice. If you need medical or psychological help please see
your local GP or psychologist.
Comprehensive, Queer friendly Healthcare advice and dispensary
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MY GUESS IS THAT YOU ARE SO REMOVED FROM YOUR EMOTIONS, YOUR
HEART HAS TO JUMP UP AND DOWN TO GET YOU TO NOTICE IT. IRONICALLY
BECAUSE YOU ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH THE PSYCHOLOGICAL, WHEN YOU
HEAR YOUR HEART KNOCKING ON YOUR CHEST YOU PREFER TO SILENCE THE
SOUND WITH MEDICATION.
YOU WOULD RATHER LUMP EVERYTHING ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S
POSSESSIVENESS THAN CHALLENGE YOUR OWN DENIAL. I AM HAPPY FOR A
RESPONSE IF YOU THINK I AM BEING TOO HARSH.
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