Home' LOTL : Dec 13 Contents lived in the conservative town of Jacksonville,
a friend showed me Buck Angel’s website.
Shocked, I really didn’t know what to make of
“the man with a pussy.” On TV all I saw were
stories about male-to-female transsexuals.
Buck represented a different world to me—a to-
tally separate idea about what a “man” can be.
On the other hand, porn is often misleading.
Since we do not have any form of real sex edu-
cation in the U.S., I looked at porn as a “how to”
for sex, particularly lesbian sex.
When I first started sleeping with women, I
didn’t know what to do. Touching women was
so different from touching men. Men show
their arousal through external means: hard-ons.
How could I know when a girl was turned on?
What was also incredibly daunting was the
pervasive idea that “women know what other
women want, because women know their own
bodies.” Such a statement is totally untrue!
Swept up in a state of sexual discovery, every-
thing felt foreign and adventurous to me. I had
to adjust to an intense level of connectedness.
I found out that I didn’t even really know what
turned me on!
I found myself mimicking what I saw in
girl-girl porn instead of allowing myself to com-
municate about what really felt good.
Porn can’t be your roadmap to sexual
pleasure. Just because you see someone else
enjoying something on screen does not mean
you will enjoy it. Furthermore, porn does not
convey the “right” way to have sex. Sure, you
certainly might be exposed to new ways to
have sex while watching porn. You might even
want to try different experiences, but your
guidepost should always be how you respond.
Does dirty talk and slapping your lover turn you
on? Great! As long as you and your partner are
on the same page, go right ahead and embrace
your rough side. Trust me, it does not make you
less of a feminist if you don’t like making love.
Real intimacy is built on truth and respect.
Concealing your desires or being unable to
communicate will stunt your personal growth
and make it difficult, if not impossible, to
continue building a strong, stable and happy
Want to know the cure for lesbian bed
death? Be honest about what you want, even
if it means your partner does not like what you
have to say.
I grew up with an older brother and I followed
him everywhere. Christmas morning my Barbie
Dream Pool sat virtually untouched. Well, I did
put the stickers on, but apart from that, I was
too busy playing with my brother’s Hot Wheels
My good relationship with my brother is
probably why I’m so comfortable around men.
My connection to men is probably why I still
have sex with them. Socially, my appetites are
deemed to be male: I love sex, I love dirty talk,
I love role-playing, and I love porn. With that
said, I do have boundaries—boundaries that I
discovered by trying new things. If something
made me uncomfortable, I had to know why.
When I was still practicing law, I stumbled
upon a server at work named “Big Hard Cock.” I
sat at my desk looking at the server directory in
a state of mild shock; however, I clicked on it.
There were thousands of porn clips catalogued
by actor. None of their names were familiar
because I’d never watched porn before, but, in
a matter of weeks, these women became my
I loved Jenna Jameson’s snaggletooth,
her all-knowing smile, and the way she loved
getting off. Janine Lindemulder became my
favourite. She was always cast in the three-
some scenes, and you knew that the women
preferred her touch to the porn actor in the
clip. Janine pleasured women without a shred
of guilt or shame, and watching her was the
first time I saw a woman do that.
I watched hours of porn until I found the
ultimate clip. It was a foursome with all my
favourite stars: Jenna, Janine, Nikki Tyler and
another woman. Usually, Janine inflicted the
pleasure, but in this clip all three women were
holding Janine down while they stimulated her
body. They used all sorts of toys and said the
filthiest things. I couldn’t help it: I was turned
There came a point when I wanted to try the
things I’d seen these women do in real life. In
this way, I think pornography is beneficial. Porn
helps break down walls; it helps you find the
words and realise your sexual potential—the
old idea of “monkey see, monkey do.”
I became unabashed in my desire to kink up
my vanilla sex life. What I didn’t realise was that
real life sex is different to porn sex.
My first foray into sexual liberation was
bringing home another woman. I met her at a
high-end private club and felt instant chem-
istry. Our first kiss curled my toes. I don’t
remember thinking, “Let’s go home and fuck
my boyfriend.” Somehow it just happened. The
sex was fantastic. I loved it. The next morning
I walked downstairs and hailed her a cab. As
soon as I walked back through the door, my
boyfriend demanded, “Do you always do that?”
I looked back, stunned. What was “that?” Why
was I somehow more culpable? In that mo-
ment, our relationship ended. I wasn’t going to
share my life with someone willing to pull the
slut card on me.
While I nursed my broken heart, I started
seeing a married woman. Maybe I figured her
infidelity granted me a certain latitude or sex-
ual freedom. During one of our trysts, I uttered
some sort of filthy comment that I wish I could
remember. Suddenly, everything stopped. She
physically recoiled. Just because she was a
woman with a cuckold husband didn’t mean
that she was kinky. Ultimately, the sex shut
down, and that ended our relationship.
Looking back on my past sexual adventures,
I understand the role pornography played in
my development. I guess you could say that
it was my “gateway drug.” I don’t really watch
explicit clips now. I don’t really spend time
with people who aren’t sexually open. But
that doesn’t mean that I need to be topped or
wowed or surprised in bed.
What it means is that I need to be with a
partner who’s willing to take chances and try
new things. I don’t care what they look like,
what their gender is, or what they do for a liv-
ing: none of that matters. What matters is that
they’re open and willing to take our relation-
ship to new places sexually and emotionally,
because I know that’s the best way to make it
In next month’s column we’re
going to delve into sexual
stigmas. What’s “dick ick”?
How do we talk about sexual
health and hygiene with our
partners? Why do we panic
over our pussies?
Jincey at Jincey.com and her
hot lesbian porn at
Carlin’s amazing sex education
Take to social media and chat
about #GoodPorn! What do
you like about porn? What
Why do you love your vag?
Photos by Victoria Janashvili
Makeup by Karina Montoya
Hair by Stacia Nicole
lotl.com • Lesbians On The Loose Magazine
The Girl’s Guide to Porn | Feature
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