Home' LOTL : July 2004 Contents ADVICE BY DAWN COHEN
Q I have secret fantasies about having sex with people other than
my long-time partner. I think I am no longer in love with her but I
feel too unattractive to start over again. -- Agnes M.
A You need couple counselling to talk out secret feelings that are probably far more
difficult and frightening than sexual fantasies. Feeling out-of-love is a symptom of other
repressed feelings and conflicts that the two of you have not sorted out about each
other. It may take months in couple counselling to repair the years of silence, and to
work out whether it's right for you to stay in the relationship and work on it, or leave.
Don't make an impulsive decision either way.
Q I check women out at the bus stop, but find my male salsa teacher
very sexy. The L Word is unmissable, but I dream about men at night.
I think I am bisexual. How does that work in practice? Also, I am
deaf, and coming out means more discrimination.
A It sounds like you have a lovely sexual openness to both women and men and you
have every right to enjoy that about yourself. In practice, you may want to date men
and women for a while. One day you may meet one person with whom you want to
settle. Even while being faithful to whomever that is, you can still treasure your
bisexuality as a beautiful part of what you are. Perhaps give yourself time to explore
your sexuality a little bit more, and then, when you feel more confident within yourself
come out to one or two people you can trust. Feel free to write to us again if you need
support in managing issues of the double dose of discrimination.
MEETING MS. RIGHT
Q I want to have a relationship with a woman but I don't want to
cruise a stranger at a club. How do I meet a girl? -- Out there.
A Few women go through the discovery of their lesbianism with the ultimate aim of
having casual sex. Try lesbian ballroom dancing or bushwalking, or any other group
lesbian sporting or social activity that takes your fancy. Make friends and meet their
friends. Organise dinner parties, picnics or video nights. Volunteer for Mardi Gras.
Don't give up after a few months. It could take a year or two, before you find someone
you want to know better. While you wait, you can have a very good time.
The opinions expressed in this column are the personal views of the
writer, they are not intended to be a substitute for professional
medical advice. If you need medical or psychological help please see
your local GP or psychologist.
EVEN WHILE BEING FAITHFUL TO WHOMEVER THAT IS,
YOU CAN STILL TREASURE YOUR BISEXUALITY AS A
BEAUTIFUL PART OF WHAT YOU ARE.
TRY LESBIAN BALLROOM DANCING OR BUSHWALKING,
OR ANY OTHER GROUP LESBIAN SPORTING OR SOCIAL
ACTIVITY THAT TAKES YOUR FANCY.
FEELING OUT-OF-LOVE IS A SYMPTOM OF OTHER
REPRESSED FEELINGS AND CONFLICTS THAT THE TWO
OF YOU HAVE NOT SORTED OUT ABOUT EACH OTHER.
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