Home' LOTL : April 2004 Contents Well if you can call it legally married, now that the
whole State of California has shut down on gays and
lesbians GETTING married. Nevertheless, Rosie and Kelli
jumped on a plane from New York as soon as Shrub, our
president, started calling for a constitutional amendment to
ban gay marriage. Or as he put it, heterosexual marriage is
"the fundamental institution of civilization". That was it, Rosie
and Kelli were off to tie the knot, spurred, as Rosie said by
the President's, "vile and vicious and hateful comments".
While the rest of the crowd cheered and applauded,
O'Donnell flashed a peace sign and proclaimed, "One thought
ran through my mind over and over on the plane as we were
flying out here -- liberty and justice for all." Well done, Rosie!!
Although O'Donnell was subject in the past to a river of ink
spilled against her by gay activists who declared that she and her
show weren't "gay enough" or that she came out "too late", I
don't think anyone would dare to denigrate O'Donnell's
Indeed, the rest of the gay and lesbian community is
wondering why Melissa or Ellen or even Martina has not
rushed to the altar to lend their names to what is settling down
to be one of the biggest issues this election year. Me? I was busy
amusing myself watching the straight press try to explain who
Rosie was actually marrying. "Rosie O'Donnell Marries Gay
Lover" read one headline. Oh really? As opposed to her straight
lover? "Rosie and Long Time Lesbian Partner Tie the Knot!"
declared another one. Because I guess her Fag Partner was
busy. "Rosie O'Donnell Marries Gay Girlfriend" screamed a
third. This one was to put at ease all those Midwest housewives
who might have ner vously wondered if their straight girlfriends
were making eyes at them.
Speaking of Melissa and Ellen, was it just me or is anyone
else wondering why big fat dyke Ellen, who is "openly gay"
(and I use that phrase carefully) could invite big fat dyke
Melissa Etheridge on her show and neither one of them
somehow could never utter the word, "girlfriend", "gay" or
even "Tammy". I swear right now that there must be some sort
of gag rule on Ellen's new talk show, forbidding her or any
guest to use the L-word. That's not official, I'm just
speculating. And don't give me that b.s. about "private life". If
a male guest can come on the show and talk about his wife or
girlfriend, and if a female guest can come on the show and talk
about her husband or boyfriend, then how come it's only
"private" when it comes to queer guests?
Just asking too why The Indigo Girls, who were also on
Ellen's show to promote their new album All That We Let In,
also somehow managed to leave out the word "lesbian" or
"gay" or anything at all. I'm telling you, I swear they make
guests sign an agreement. And whilst Ellen has signed on to
renew her talk show, poor Sharon Osbourne's chat show has
been canceled. Pity. I loved Mrs. O, no matter how goofy her
Speaking of The L Word, did you know that the butchly, or
as the networks call her "androgynous" Katherine Moennig
from the show auditioned to play Brandon Teena in Boys Don't
Cry? As you know, Hillary Swank ended up winning the part,
and the Oscar. Let's see if Moennig at least gets an Emmy.
Oh, and finally ... Whitney Houston has entered rehab.
And no, that's not an April Fool's joke.
PHOTO THE L WORD'S KATHERINE MOENNIG WANTED TO PLAY BRANDON TEENA
EXCUSE ME WHILST I PICK RICE OUT OF MY
HAIR AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT ROSIE
O'DONNELL AND KELLI CARPENTER
O'DONNELL GETTING LEGALLY MARRIED.
BY THE SHADOW.
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