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lotl.com • Lesbians On The Loose Magazine
Families | Special Feature
No accidents here. Kids with same-
sex parents are the result of long
deliberation, careful planning , a bit
of luck and lots of love. Their parents fought
for the right to have them, and now those
Gaybies are growing up... fast.
I am a gayby – a person with gay parents –
and I want to tell the story of children growing
up in families like mine. When I was a kid, I
didn’t know many other children with gay
parents. I would have loved to have been able
to watch a film and feel that my experiences
were shared. So I’ve decided to make that film.
Told from a child’s eye view, this
documentary feature Gayby Baby will be a
revealing , intimate and at times humorous
portrait of a new generation of kids who are
queer by nurture and by birthright.
In our countr y, conser vatives and politicians
keep telling us that our parents can’t get
married and that we need a mother and a
father. But no one has ever asked us, the kids,
what we think.
As children of same-sex couples, we spend so
much of our time in defense mode, convincing
the outside world that “We are normal like
you!” But I think we don’t need to prove we
are the same any more – we can celebrate
and talk about what is different and why.
So what is it like to grow up culturally
To start you off... Gaybies can have butch
dyke mums and camp feminine dads, they
have to explain their family and conception
every day to inquisitive
strangers, they have
surrogate mothers and
possibly a few donor
siblings that they may get
to meet one day. When
most kids are grappling
with the idea of Man +
Woman = Baby, Gaybies
are fluent in the language
of IVF, turkey basters
and Mardi Gras. When
puberty hits, Gaybies are
generally more open to
their sexuality and their
exposure to non traditional gender roles can
often result in an interesting worldview. Well
versed in how to hide their families, kids with
LGBT families see a different side to sexual
discrimination and it is vastly unrecognised
that Gaybies have to ‘come out’ of the closet
for their families too.
Gayby Baby takes us behind closed doors to
obser ve the private lives as lived by three kids
who are starting to realise the impact that their
queer upbringing is going to have on who they
are, and who they might become.
This documentary speaks to us as a nation
of families and asks, what constitutes a family
in 21st century? Is it a man and a woman? Is
it biology? Love? Parenting? I hope that in
watching this film, audiences will be inspired
to interrogate “what is family” and how and by
whom is it defined.
I have loved growing up with two mothers.
In my opinion, children need love, security
and support and it doesn’t matter if that is
given by one parent, two parents or more.
SUPPORT THE FILM
We are in production and are in great need of
support to help finish the film. Please check out
our facebook page and Youtube Channel where
super cute gayby kids talk about their families.
We are in need of gay dads to come forth. So if
you are a gay dad with kids between 9 and 17
or know someone who is, please get in contact!
gaybybaby.com (website up in August)
life growing up in
a same sex family
The language that’s being used by kids
of LGBT families can sound a lot like our
own experiences. They may or may not
be LGBT themselves. Usually they’re too young
for the tag to even be relevant and they don’t
vocalise their experience as ‘coming out’ or
‘being in the closet’ until they’re much older.
But that is what they have to do for every new
teacher, librarian, bus driver and peer that asks
them about their family. Forever.
I was dismayed when I first heard the ‘out’
word mentioned in this context. Our kids
shouldn’t have to feel in any way conflicted
when talking about their family! I’ve heard
heartbroken parents ask how they can prepare
their families for when children don’t feel
comfortable being open. Our son came home
from his third day of pre-school, and this in the
inner west of gay old Sydney, and asked me
which one of us was the Daddy.
So how do we prepare our kids and how do
we as parents prepare ourselves? Is it always
problematic? Depends on how supported
and prepared they/we are as to how they/we
feel, whichever way they answer. Talk about it
with your kids in as many ways as possible.
Draw pictures, read books, role play, point out
diversity to them and, if possible, facilitate a
varied and loving peer group of kids with
similar families. Being able to de-brief, to
laugh about it, to pick up handy tips and share
experiences is confirming for both kids and
parents and the more familiar they are with
the words that describe them the easier the
words will come to them. Building resilience in
our families is essential.
Love Makes A Family!
Simone Curry is Facilitator of Tuesday
Rainbow Babies Playgroup in Marrick-
ville. 0408 756 440
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