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Dear Ladywood and Domestic Duchess
I am in a long-term relationship with my
wonderful woman but over the past few years
she never wants to do anything, go anywhere
or leave the house other than for work. She is
even beginning to stop our friends or family
coming over. What can I do? I am getting
extremely bored and lifeless myself.
Yours, Cabin Fever.
DD: Well, Cab, I can see how you would be
totally frustrated and suffering from cabin fever.
LW: Other wise known as being bored sh*tless.
DD: Lots of lesbians love to share their
homes with their friends and families and there
is nothing worse than feeling cooped up in the
‘henhouse’ with no outlook for social activity.
LW: I know if I am stuck at home for too long
I go stir crazy, but this isn’t helping you any, Cab.
DD: Yes, we need to look at why your girl
does not want to interact with others. Is there an
underlying situation you may not have noticed?
LW: Anxiety? Depression? Is work too
draining ? Or is she just feeling unsocial? Too
tired? (Let’s hope she’s not too tired in the
DD: Even I can feel unsocial at times when I
have been surrounded by others and I feel I have
nothing left in the tank. She might feel the same
after her workday.
LW: The best way to ‘refuel’ is sometimes to
just get out of the place for a while, even just for a
little stroll around the block. Then hopef ully you
can both come back a little refreshed. Life can be
full on and your home is more like a refug e for her
but she can’t turn into a hermit.
DD: Or you could try coa xing her in to having
a pampering we ekend away where you can indulge
her and spoil her with massages, love, chocolate
and champagne. Look after her and tell her,
kindly, that you want to do more things together
with her, in and outside the home. That friends
and family enjoy her company too.
LW: Tell her there are t wo people in the
relationship and there must be some balance
bet ween home, work, family and friends.
DD: Couple time....like we try to have e ver y
now and then in our crazy “five jobs bet ween us”
LW: Mmmm... don’t go there DD. Maybe Cab
and I need to get away! But I’m sure that’s not the
DD: Definitely not! Talk to your girl, Cab. Tell
her how you are
feeling and throw
her in the car and
take her out for
a fun day. Or
over, get take-
away and you
and the friends do all
the tidying up.
LW: And, Cab, don’t let your relationships
with others fade away. They are too important.
Dear Ladywood And Domestic Duchess
I am 21 years old and came out two years ago.
My family were fantastic, especially my mum.
The problem now is my mother. My parents’
marriage has fallen apart and my mum has
been not-so -subtly hinting it’s because she’s
gay. She wants to have a ‘private conversation’
with me but I’m running a mile as I don’t want
to hear what she has to say. I cannot bear the
thought of my mother being a lesbian too. Help,
DD: Obviously this is freaking your freak.
As much as I can understand your horror at
the thought your mother could possibly be gay,
you are going to have to suppress these negative
thoughts, dig deep and tell her you are proud of
her and, of course, that you love her no matter
LW: Most of us have trouble thinking of our
mothers as sexual.
DD: You’re right there. It totally spins me out
when I hear my father saying anything e ven just
slightly smutty. Eeuww! I usually have my fingers
in my ears at that point.
LW: Some of us expect our mothers to be like
the Virgin Mar y and never have sex – well maybe
just the once to have us gorgeous girls!
DD: But seriously, a s hard as it can be for some
lesbians to come out, it’s probably going to be
harder for her. She has to potentially deal with
many issues. By some people, she will be seen as
selfish for ‘ brea king up the f amily’ by ‘putting
her needs ahead of her family’. Your father might
blame her for not ‘keeping her marriage vows’.
And some crazies might think she’s ‘copying ’ her
daughter or she’s caught the ‘lesbian g erm’ from
LW: She will probably be feeling so many
things – g uilt, ner ves and excitement. It would
have taken a long time for her to g et to this point.
It’s only new to ever yone else as she would have
been processing thing s for a long time. She’s
probably already spoken to your dad about her
change in sexuality and you might be surprised.
They could end up with a beautiful friendship – it
DD: You must remember, Freaked Out, that
when she does tell you her news officially, the first
words you say will always be remembered. Make
sure they are filled with love and support. She will
need you to lean on through the rocky times.
LW: If you have to vent your frustrations and
concerns, do it with a good friend or therapist, not
your mum. You might be worried that she’ll crack
on to your lesbian friends, or that you’re g oing to
bump into her at the next LOTL night or your
local lesbian bar. In rea lity, it could happen.
DD: Cross that bridge when you g et to it. You
might see a side to her that will be fun, free and
flirty. The lesbian world will be ne w to her and
she’s going to be feeling like a teena ger again. And
that’s g oing to be weird and f un for her and just
plain weird for you.
LW: Frea ked Out, these are going to be strange
times. You will have to help your dad through a
marriage breakup and your mum through that, as
well as a new life. Be a g ood loving daughter to
both of them and it will all work out.
lotl.com • Lesbians On The Loose Magazine
Advice | Lifestyle
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