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sites such as Pinksofa or Gaydar Girls. Jody Ekert, a 28-year-old comedian
originally from Brisbane, accidentally answered her friend’s profile on AMM. “It
was very funny and very embarrassing for both of us, and shows perhaps a
need for lesbian hookups to be more accessible, especially online,” she says,
although the one “true sex hookup” she did arrange online was a disaster.
“We’d negotiated everything about our night of jungle sex together while I
was travelling interstate and after that one night it turned out she wanted a
lot more – dating, friendship, me to meet her friends, more nights together
and eventually a relationship. Not to mention that the photo online wasn’t at
all what she was like! If girls aren’t going to be honest about their needs and
desires, then hookups won’t work out.”
Perhaps we haven’t yet caught up with our gay male counterparts who
organise hookups online as casually as they would book an airline ticket.
But in bars or clubs it’s a different story, with sex sometimes taking place in
areas surrounding the dance floor, as was the case with a Candy Lips party
last year. Promoter Janine Tennille says she’s seen a lot of hookups happen.
“It’s fantastic,” she laughs. “The traffic light system at Candy Lips – ‘what’s
your level of flirtation?’ – has proved to be very popular.” And while she
admits drugs and alcohol “do play a part” in boosting women’s confidence
in approaching other women for sex, she believes hookup culture is gaining
acceptance within the lesbian community because “we are now in a sexual
evolution through encouraging sexual freedom”.
Co-organiser of Sydney’s longest-running kink event, the Hellfire Club, Jackie
McMillan, agrees and believes the fetish scene has played a part in making
lesbian hookups okay to talk about. “After all, the fetish scene is full of dirty
perverts who love talking about their sexual exploits,” she says, citing the
Inquisition party in 2006 at which a woman made up her own version of
‘dance cards’ to pass out among other women which culminated in several
sex acts taking place in a toilet cubicle. McMillan also believes the fetish scene
plays host to more lesbian hookups than the wider lesbian scene because in a
club such as Hellfire, the clothes and attitude are already sexy. “Thus it doesn’t
seem like much of a stretch to say ‘how about it?’ to someone”.
The downsides to hookups include one party being disappointed because
they want more, having to lie and keep secrets from your friends and/or
partner (as in Karri’s case), and angry ex-hookups storming into your
workplace. “The second girl I hooked up with came into my workplace one
day flashing an engagement ring,” she recalls. “She wanted to tell me she is
engaged and the rumours I had been spreading had better stop as her new
fiancé doesn’t want to know she is secretly into girls. She also felt the need
to whisper very loudly that she doesn’t have herpes and I don’t have to worry.
I never breathed a word about our time together. It was really out of the blue
and pretty embarrassing.”
On the upside, hookups can be convenient and sexually liberating, an
antithesis to the age-old joke about a lesbian bringing a removal van to the
second date. “One of the advantages of hookups for women is that they
show us that sex can be great without love – dirty, exciting, random and
spontaneous,” McMillan says. “That’s not to say that romantic lovemaking
isn’t great too. Women have been so consistently associated with nurture,
nesting and romantic love that it does us all good to experience sex without
these things, as a positive. And let’s face it – giving ourselves permission to
fuck without moving in is hardly a bad thing!”
*Not their real names
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