Home' LOTL : June 2006 Contents 35
...for all your optical
needs, purple or otherwise.
Phone Sarah or Lizzie
for an appointment
on 9743 0898.
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Lizzie Wilson Optometrist B.Optom(Hons)UNSW
49a Majors Bay Rd, Concord NSW 2137
PURPLE IS OUR FAVOURITE COLOUR!
Q. I have loved my profession as an actor, not minding the
commercials that make ends meet. All of a sudden I am sick of
it. I am tired of pretending to be a mother and a straight wife over
and over again. The trouble is there is nothing else I want to do.
A. Particular jobs meet unconscious needs in us all. Perhaps you
have changed in some way that makes your work less satisfying.
Hang in with the discomfort, without panicking too much. Allow
yourself to speak out loud a conversation with your discomfort. Ask
yourself what you enjoyed about acting and let yourself answer.
Then ask yourself why the pleasure is gone. Keep talking and you
will get some insights. Eventually a new direction will emerge.
SCARED OF ‘L’ WORD
Q. My girlfriend says she loves me and I know she is waiting for
me to say ‘I love you’ back. It’s a great relationship but I would
feel disloyal to my ex if I were to say it, even though my previous
relationship was abusive. Love shy.
A. The word ‘love’ seems to have a magic power over you. If you
say it, you are cutting a final tie from your ex. But I wonder if you
are also frightened of your new bond, as great as it is. Perhaps
you have also given the ‘L’ word the magical power to bind you
in a vice-like grip to your new beloved. A scary prospect, I would
imagine, given your past. Take back your strength by facing your
terror of going forward. Forget about ‘love’. Focus on staying
connected to yourself, your own fear, and desire to bond. And
Q. How could this possibly be happening? I am menopausal.
Me! Always the baby-butch cutie. I am tired, morose, forgetful and
getting fat. Help! Changed.
A. It’s a shock because society does not prepare us for a
hormonal change as massive as adolescence. Nobody tells
you how to cope with a brain like a sieve, declining libido and a
rollicking appetite. It makes sense you feel depressed. Your identity
has rested in youthful butchness. Now you don’t know who you
are anymore, and you don’t like what you are becoming. You are
entering a new phase of being. But no old-butch role-models adorn
the newspapers with their gutsy, wise beauty to demonstrate what
you could aim for. Like birth itself, there is a lot of pain and labour
involved in the change, but you need to go with the process to reap
the surprising rewards it can deliver.
You are becoming an old woman, and if you don’t wrestle with
the ageist associations that make that identity seem a negative
one, you are going to feel like crap for the rest of your life. In the
absence of a role-model, create one in your imagination. Imagine
a gorgeous, strong old butch lesbian. What would she look like?
How would she sound? How would she nurture herself? You
need to mourn the loss of your youth, accepting the sadness and
grief, while making room for a new you that may surprise you
with unexpected strengths and beauty. As for the forgetfulness,
exhaustion and fat, visit a naturopath who will suggest diet,
exercise, herbs and supplements that can help.
“No old-butch role-models adorn the
newspapers with their gutsy, wise beauty
to demonstrate what you could aim for.”
The opinions expressed in this column are the personal views of the writer.
They are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. If you need
medical or psychological help please see your local GP or psychologist.
By Dawn Cohen
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