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49a Majors Bay Rd, Concord NSW 2137
PURPLE IS OUR FAVOURITE COLOUR!
Q. My partner doesn ’t hit me, but
when we fight she says things to
me, like telling me I am dirt, which
feels worse than physical violence.
What scares me is then I want to
hit her. Is our relationship abusive?
– Abuser or abused.
A. Yes, you are caught in a very
serious and dangerously abusive
cycle of violence. The good news
is you have the courage to reach out for help. You need to
get immediate counselling. Call the Domestic Violence Help
Line on 1800 200 526 for information about who to see.
Alternatively, pick a government registered, lesbian- friendly
Q. My new girl and I are having sex between five and ten
times a day, until we are sore and exhausted. We both
are enjoying it but I am worried that when it tapers off we
will become disappointed in each other, and a normal
frequency will seem like the dreaded ‘lesbian bed death.’
– Lesbian lech.
A. You are terrified that without very frequent sex the bond
between the two of you will not be exciting enough. You are
afraid of letting there be space that is not always intense.
Lesbian bed death is often connected to a terror of being
separate enough emotionally to allow sex to happen. It
could be that your partner and you are going the opposite
way out of the same terror. A fear of being separate. You
worry that separateness will bring disappointment. Did you
experience someone in your childhood being disappointed
in you? Have you experienced feeling let down by a person
when you could step back and see them in perspective?
When the time comes to slow down you need to allow
yourself to enter that space. Let yourself explore all the
feelings that separateness can bring by feeling them and
thinking through where they may come from in your past.
If there is more between you than sexual attraction, you
can grow together into a relationship which is both sexual,
emotional and able to cope with a little individuality too.
Meanwhile, relax and enjoy yourself.
Q. My partner of 6 years is badgering me to get pregnant
but I have no urge for motherhood. Should I go along for
the ride? I fear if I stand my ground it will tear us apart.
A. Do not go along for the ride. Parenthood will tear your
being apart if you don’t choose it for yourself. Talk to her
about your position. I hear how much you want to keep the
relationship, but if she wants a baby more than she wants
the relationship, better to find out now than later when three
lives will be damaged by a messy separation.
The opinions expressed in this column are the personal views of the writer.
They are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. If you need
medical or psychological help please see your local GP or psychologist.
“Lesbian bed death is often connected
to a terror of being separate enough
emotionally to allow sex to happen.”
By Dawn Cohen
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