Home' LOTL : April 2006 Contents 43
By Dawn Cohen
QI am not happy and never have been. I try so hard to do the
right things. Not just what society tells me but what’s good for
me. I eat right, I exercise, and I have friends. But something is
still wrong. Could it be my childhood? Ms Melancholy.
AIt makes me tired just hearing how hard you work at doing
your best. You must be tired also. Why not give all that trying
a rest? What would you do if your only responsibility was to
have pleasure without harming yourself today? If it’s too hard to stop
trying, make a list of things that you enjoy and try one or two each day.
Happiness is linked to looking forward to pleasure. There may be deep
underlying issues that cause your misery, but while you are looking, it
won’t hurt to have fun.
POTENTIAL LOSS OF LOVE
QI am terrified I will wake up one day and feel repulsed by my
partner and have to leave immediately. It hasn’t happened in
five years, but I take steps to avoid it. I don’t let her fart or chew
loudly or do anything else that could build up to me never wanting to
see her again. What can I do to make the fear go away?
AYou are phobic to the sensation of repulsion. The phobia is
preventing you from thinking about the feeling long enough to
work out why it is there. Freedom lies in facing the repulsion.
Just imagine having the feeling but standing it – not running from the
relationship, but sitting with it and bearing it long enough to understand
it. What does the feeling remind you of? Is it something awful that
has happened, or do you fear part of yourself is repulsive? Facing
feelings without running from them – pleasant ones as well as horrible
ones – is the first step in surviving and working through just about any
HER CHEATING HEART
QIt’s the same old story. She wants to fuck around. I don’t. She
says the other girls don’t mean anything. But they do to me.
Am I doomed to heartbreak? Patsy.
AYes, unless something shifts. You haven’t told me how long
you have been together, and whether you knew about her
views on monogamy before you began, but it sounds like this
dynamic is a pattern for you. The shift that is required is within you:
you need to understand where that “old story” began for you. What is
your investment in it, and why do you repeat it? Answer that, and your
situation will resolve itself in whatever way is best for you.
The opinions expressed in this column are the personal views of the
writer. They are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice.
If you need medical or psychological help please see your local GP or
If you have a question for Dawn email firstname.lastname@example.org with the
“I don’t let her fart or chew loudly or do
anything else that could build up to me
never wanting to see her again.”
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