Home' LOTL : August 2005 Contents Myths abound about Bondage &
Discipline, Sado-Masochism (BDSM)
and the people who practice it. They are
often labelled by society as perverts or
violent abusers. This is based on fear and
lack of understanding. BDSM has been
practiced throughout the world for
centuries in many different cultures. It is
done to enhance pleasure and is practiced
by people of all sexualities.
BDSM is a term that covers a broad
spectrum of sensual rituals, erotic games
and role-playing. For some people it is a
lifestyle choice and for many it's an erotic
activity that they share with a committed
partner to enhance sexual experience. For
many people BDSM is about play and fun!
BDSM requires excellent communication
and a high level of trust, respect, honesty
and safety. And can be an excellent way
to encourage greater communication
about what you find arousing and what
you'd like to try.
A sadist is a person who finds it
pleasurable to deliver intense erotic
sensation to a willing partner and to be in
a dominant role.
A masochist is someone who finds it
arousing to receive intense erotic
stimulation and to be in a submissive role.
Often people enjoy both of these roles.
This is called 'Switching'.
It may or may not include actual
intercourse or direct sexual stimulation.
Bondage is the art of restraining your
lover. Use a silk scarf, restraints or rope...
Discipline is either verbally or physically
reprimanding your partner...
where one person
takes on a dominant
role (as in dom or
mistress or master)
and the other a
submissive role (sub,
bottom or slave), or
Scene -- a session of
Sensory stimulation is spanking with a
whip or spanker, caressing with a feather,
even an ice cube or hot wax, nipple
clamps or genital stimulation
Sensory deprivation such as blindfolding
or wearing a hood enhances sensation.
Vanilla sex is the term used to describe
sex that is not BDSM.
Why do people enjoy BDSM?
Many people find BDSM highly
arousing. BDSM allows you to take risks
with your partner in a safe and consensual
way. You can act out your fantasies.
It can increase trust and communication
in a relationship. It's fun!
To introduce BDSM into your
relationship first talk with your partner.
This is a risk, as you may not know what
the response will be... You may be
pleasantly surprised by your partner 's
response. Allow each other space to talk
about your desires without fear or
Create a safe word, which is often called
a code word. This is a word that you both
know will instantly stop the scene. It's
recommended that this is a word that is
not a part of your usual sexual vocabulary
and is not words such as 'stop' or 'no'.
This creates safety and means that words
like 'no' or 'stop' can be part of your
scene, which can be highly erotic.
Create some clear boundaries and make
sure you talk about these before you play.
Make an agreement with your partner that
if your boundaries change during a scene,
you are able to communicate this and use
your safe word.
Discuss whether your scene is to include
or end with sex.
Set some special time aside. Shop for
quality sex toys and books. If you are
interested in meeting other people that are
into BDSM there are groups who offer
support and/or play opportunities. If
playing with multiple partners, new
sexual partners, or sharing toys, we
recommend using safe sex gear. e
This column is brought to you by
D.VICE, a lesbian owned sex toy
company. Check out their quality sex gear
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ALL TIED UP
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