Home' LOTL : Mardi Gras Contents woman came right in and conquered! I was pissed! Why am I so
jealous and selfish that I want to be the only one to please her?
Do you think there is a way to make things work out without one
of us being miserable or missing out on something she needs? I
am so lost. If we both agree that our sex is great, then why does
she want other people? — Three’s Company
Dipstick: TC, TC, TC. I can feel your heartache and pain through
the lines of this letter. Relationships are fucking hard work.
Sometimes, and maybe even daily, we need to negotiate and
renegotiate what we want, what we’re comfortable with, what
our deal breakers are. I get that you love Shannon. You’ve been
together quite a long time, and it sounds like you two have
something special going on—most of the time. But then there is
this one thing. It’s not a little thing, like whether she picks up her
socks or puts the lid back on the toothpaste. This is a big thing.
Might I say, the biggest? You find yourself in a position where
you need to decide—is this a deal breaker? Not all relationships
could have survived what you two seem to have weathered, but
your connection remains tenuous. You’re still reeling from the
unexpected consequences of what was supposed to be a fun
and innocent exploration. Of course you’re nervous. What will
happen this time when a third person comes into your room?
You’re probably wondering, Why is she so willing to let the
monster back into your bed, when you’ve barely recovered from
the last tryst. Brittney, I hate to break this to you but, despite all
that you and Shannon have going for you, I am not convinced
that the two of you are compatible in the long run. It’s not about
your jealousy or wanting to be the only one to please her. It’s
about what you ultimately want in a partner—someone who is
happy with what she has at home, or someone who continually
wants to introduce new lovers into the mix. One of you needs to
choose, TC—either she gives up this fancy lifestyle, or you walk.
Lipstick: Oh Brittney, how in the world has your heart survived
this long? You deserve some sort of emotional resilience award.
I’ve got more tough truth to dish out: Not all human beings—in
this physical manifestation—are meant to be monogamous.
Some people, like you and me, embrace the idea of monogamy.
It beats with the rhythm of our heart. We find an amazing
connection, fall in love, and we don’t want to share. Hallelujah,
sister! Some people, however, like Shannon, are not programmed
that way. Variety is the spice of their life, and I have to give
Shannon props for owning her non-monogamous blood and
not simply cheating on you behind your back. Unfortunately,
because Shannon’s been so forthright about her desires, and has
communicated this clearly, as Dip said—and I think she hit the nail
on the head—it comes down to you deciding if this is the person
you want to be in a relationship with. The decision is yours.
Women, in general, have a really hard time keeping “feelings”
out of the bedroom, so be mindful of this in the future and be
a little gentler with yourself, OK? Opening up a relationship is
super-dangerous territory for souls like yours. This is a teachable
moment. Listen carefully to your heart and make different
choices in the future. As Oprah says: When you know better,
you do better.
Do you have a burning
question for Lipstick
& Dipstick? Write to
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