Home' LOTL : June 2005 Contents 43
By Dawn Cohen
THE EX FACTOR
QI can't get over the woman who was the love of my life. It's been four
months since I told her I could not be her friend because she lead me
on so many times. Will I ever get over her? --- SOS.
ADon't panic SOS! You have taken the right first step. Stay strong, don't
be seduced back and one day she will be a memory not an aching slash
in your soul. Four months is not very long to recover from a relationship
that has touched you to the core. Soon there will be hours and then days
where you forget about her. Ex-free thought space will get bigger and bigger
until one day a week and then a month will pass without the pain.
Don't worry if you go through bouts of agony though, interspersed in the
Risky times will be when you start going out with someone else. Pangs for
your ex will surprise and worry you as you get closer to a new woman. Does
this mean I should go back to her? You will ask yourself. When that question
arises, answer it with a resounding No! Seeing her around will also trigger
painful feelings. Islands of pain are part of the healing. It can take a few
years before you are completely free. But those years need not be wasted or
love-free years. It is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and
QA colleague makes jokes about dykes all the time. He does not mean
anything by it, and I get on well with him in other ways. I am anxious
all the time not knowing when he is going to crack another one. What
should I do? I don't want to lose my job. -- Not amused.
AMaking repeated jokes about dykes at work is illegal in NSW, if just one
person finds the jokes offensive. It is considered harassment.
The same goes for jokes, pornographic images on computers and
sexualised emails. The motive and intention of the person making the
comment is irrelevant. If your workplace does not take action to stop him after
you have objected you can take action to your employer.
I know legal protection does not fix everything, but it could be worth seeing if
workshops on bullying and harassment can be organised for staff. Talk to the
Does your colleague know you are a lesbian? Sometimes coming out can
actually stop the jokes, especially if it's generally a supportive work
QMy best friend is always late! It drives me so crazy, but she thinks it is
no big deal. I feel insulted when she keeps me waiting. I have told her,
but it does nothing to fix it. What else can I do? -- Waiting
AYou can't change her easily. People who come late are often terrified of
being kept waiting themselves at a very deep level. Being the late one
means never suffering those terrors of being abandoned by the other
not turning up. I suggest you give her arrangement times 30 minutes earlier
than you intend arriving. That way you will both be happy.
The opinions expressed in this column are the personal views of the writer. They are
not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. If you need medical or
psychological help please see your local GP or psychologist.
"Making repeated jokes about dykes at
work is illegal in NSW, if just one person
finds the jokes offensive. It is considered
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