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this country. I think he has sent these young
kids into battle in a totally immoral, illegal,
fundamentally corrupt war in Iraq. I know
your Prime Minister sent some troops
over there supporting them -- good old boy.
It's all wrong. They've just turned that
whole country and that whole region on its
MJ: What do you think of the theory that
the gay marriage movement helped lose the
SB: I think it's kind of bogus. People across
the board are going through a reactionary
conservative backswing based on 9/11. It's
fear-based shit. Whenever there's a seismic
change, whenever people know it's just a
matter of time before humanity evolves to
another level, the good old white man will
grab hold with his hands and squeeze the
life out of the shit because they know
they're losing control. It's a mess.
MJ: You're not a mess. At 49 you're a
working mum, you look fantastic, what are
you doing right?
SB: I've a very holistic approach to life.
I'm on a homeopathic day to day regime. I
take supplements and minerals, I work out,
eat right. I get a lot of sleep.
MJ: You've always been critical of
actresses and models who lack "realness"
while expressing fascination with their
world. Have you solved the whole
conundrum about fame, self-image and
SB: Oh yeah, I really have to dig it up to
talk about that shit any more. Once you've
had that feeling about yourself there's
always that tinge there. But having had a
kid, thank god she's gorgeous and smart,
and I'm in a five and a half year relationship
with somebody who's very stable and
extremely powerful in her own right...I
don't have time to think about that shit any
more. I get up at 7 in the morning with my
daughter and hit the ground running.
MJ: Tell me about your guest role in
The L Word.
SB: I've actually known the
writer/producer/creator Ilene Chaikin for
years and I told her there were two things I
didn't want to do on the show: I didn't want
to be naked and I didn't want to make out
with anybody. So she actually wrote me on
as Jenny's straight English professor and I
really whip her into shape 'cause she can be
a real pain in the ass...So I'm in five
episodes, it's really cool.
MJ: Of all the roles you've done, which
character is closest to you?
SB:I would have to say that my own work,
for example the film Without You I'm
Nothing, is closest to me. But when I did
King of Comedy [in 1981] I was very close
to that crazy girl. I mean, I wasn't as crazy
but I definitely had that energy and that
possibility for being like her.
MJ: As a performer you've been called
"angst-driven", "foul-mouthed", "poison-
laced". Is your satire as severe as it was?
SB: I feel like I did it before everybody and
I did it hopefully with a real sense of irony
and a deeper exploration of pop culture. It
wasn't just one-liners and trashing people, it
was like, what are we doing here? Why is
this culture affecting us all so strongly?
Why do we want to be famous? And then all
of a sudden you have reality TV, everybody
is famous, anybody can be famous, and it's
like - there's not really very much for me to
reflect upon. I think once you've covered
certain themes you've got to move on.
MJ: I hope you don't leave it all behind. In
An Evening with Sandra Bernhard, are you
going to sing?
SB: Oh yeah, with my fabulous new band
[The Rebellious Jezebels]. I have a fabulous
MJ: And will you bitch about Nicole
SB: Oh, sweetie, you know I'll bitch about
Nicole Kidmaaaaaaaaan. Honey, I've been
on the Nicole Kidman train long before
anybody realised she is an automaton. I
always say at the end of the day somebody
picks her up and plugs her directly into a
wall socket to recharge her. She just hangs
limp and then when they unplug her she's
ready to do it all over again, honey. You
know? She never stops, god bless her.
MJ: Australian lesbians -- why should they
come and see your show?
SB: Because it is essential, as a part of gay
culture, to see me and respect me and come
and pay homage to me. [Laughs] That's
why. Nothing more needs to be said. You
must come to the altar of Sandra and pay
tribute to her brilliance and beauty.
MJ: And please, wear some lipstick when
you do so.
SB: Honey, wear some lipstick, push up
your tits, get it together, work on your fat
ass to get it happening. Now! Before it's too
MJ: Who's your favourite lesbian icon?
SB: I would have to say Nicole Kidman.
[Laughter] She should be, if she isn't.
Actually, I don't know if there is anybody
who is out and fabulous. [Thinks] No, there
MJ: Speaking of counterfeit lesbian icons,
you predicted the whole Ellen
DeGeneres/Anne Heche breakup long
before it happened.
SB: Helllooooooooooooo, thank you!
Everybody was irritated with me, they were
annoyed, put out -- but who was right on the
money, you tell me? I was right there, baby!
MJ: Do people ask you a lot about your
SB: You know, they really don't, because I
scream at them and tell them to go fuck
themselves -- just kidding...
MJ: I was wondering if you were going to
be mean to me...
SB: Listen, if you totally get me, how could
communicate and be real, because if people
only like you because you're fabulous,
they're not really listening to what you say. e
An Evening with Sandra Bernhard: Sydney
February 17 www.ticketek.com.au,
Melbourne February 19
www.ticketmaster7.com, Perth February
...when I did King of
Comedy [in 1981] I
was very close to
that crazy girl. I
mean, I wasn't as
crazy but I definitely
had that energy and
that possibility for
being like her.
The poor thing, I mean, Jesus Christ, to
be a black woman, running with that pack
of vipers. I don't know how she can stand
it. She's obviously completely self-loathing.
The chick is just a mess. You know her
mother wrote a lesbian novel about
pioneer women crossing America? The
apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
She's gone in such a completely bizarre
trajectory in her life that there's no
resemblance to the girl I was friends
with. I don't really care because I've
continued to stay on my fabulous path
of realness and inner beauty. She's
trying, but it's just not happening.
Everybody got into it because Madonna
was into it, then Demi Moore was into it.
It's just another way to be close to the
famous people. I take it very seriously. I
study, I have my daughter very involved in
being on a spiritual path, practicing
humanity at its most important level.
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